when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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