You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
