im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
