I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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