Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
