I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do vagina's smell?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
