I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
