Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
