I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
