I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
