Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
