Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
