when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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