You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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