My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
