All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
