my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
