A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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