Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sorry about my life...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
