I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
