Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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