It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
