I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
