Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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