Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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