Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
