Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
