If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
