He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All the doctor said was why
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
