just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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