....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
