Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
