Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
