I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So here I am, sexting at work.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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