i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
