I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
