I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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