Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
