goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
