My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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