I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
