The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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