i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
