I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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