I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
