i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
