I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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