He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
