She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
