i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
