tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
