I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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