i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
