I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
