If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
