what day is it and did you see me today?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
