you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
